Nannies and babysitters and day care centers, oh my!

Over the years I've received tons of encouragement and advice from family and friends as I've approached life's major milestones.  

"You're going to have a ball no matter where you get into college."

"You will find a job you love - it just might take a few tries."

"The next guy you meet will probably not mysteriously elope."

"Buying a house is more than an investment, you need a place to live."

"Ultimately, no one cares if they are invited to your wedding.  Stop worrying about the guest list."

But as I've started to talk to people about finding a good day care situation come the Fall, let's just say the positive energy is hard to come by.  From all reports, finding child care that both you and your partner are comfortable with is tough.  And just the research process itself is causing me tremendous anxiety.

When I was growing up, my grandmother took care of me full time starting from when I was a couple weeks old.  My cousins and I filled her house every day, ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and watched Sesame Street, Mr. Rogers, and Days of Our Lives.  Bo and Hope have been in my life as long as Big Bird and Cookie Monster. 

When I was about three, I got a reprieve from the soaps at Grammie's house and went to a local Jewish Community Center for a few hours each day.   The highlight there was getting to ride the tricycles around in a circle in the windowless basement.  It wasn't fancy, but I really loved it.

Alas, the "grandparents as primary child care providers" option isn't available to us (my husband's family is in Ohio and my parents passed away), so we've started our search.

My husband Charlie is in grad school at MIT and there is a child care center attached to his building.  Long before we were married and contemplating kids, we started jokingly calling it "Nerd Day Care."  Well, it turns out that the Nerd Day Care is pretty awesome and has an eighteen month waiting list.  We signed up a few weeks ago (yes, our child has not been born yet) and may possibly have a spot in 2011, if we're lucky.

Of the three "buckets" of child care options we are looking into (large child care centers, family day cares run out of a provider's home, and nannies/babysitters), we are focusing first on the large centers first since they tend to have waiting lists.  Bright Horizons and Kinder Care are two national chains that have individual centers around here with good reputations.  Bright Horizons actually runs the center at MIT.

My husband went to a Child Care Resources workshop at his school a few weeks ago and came back with a giant list of licensed family day cares.  Just looking at the list made my ears turn red.  And from what I understand, family day cares often don't know exactly when they will have openings and often don't keep waiting lists.  So you need to just do your research, find a few you like, and then keep calling to see if they have any openings. 

I am nothing if not a planner, and not being able to control what's going to happen six months from now is driving me crazy. But I know I need to get over it.  I need to just get on the phone, starting visiting more centers and family day cares, and start getting the word out that we're open to a nannies and babysitters in the Fall.  And then we need to really think about what is the best option for us.

I also know that we're not the first couple to go through this process, just like I wasn't the first high school student to wonder if I'd get into college, the first college graduate to wonder if I'd get a job, and the first single girl to wonder if I'd ever get married.  It will all come together. 

And by the way, Charlie has really taken the lead on a lot of the research which I love and appreciate.  He's often the only dad in the room at the info sessions and tours he's been attending, and that image makes me smile - and makes me very proud :)

So do you have any tips on streamlining the child care search?  Boy would I love to hear them! 

I also wanted to point out this great post from Jodifur about her child care journey.

Adrienne is Mom Central's Community Manager.

adrienne@momcentral.com | http://twitter.com/adriennelb | Facebook

Comments

[jodifur]

Ask friends and family, don't discount convenience, and go with your gut. There is a lot to be said for mommy intuition.

[Mariana]

I don't really have much to say, other than assuring you that yes, it will all work itself out! I went through the same childcare search almost 5 years ago, and remember just how hard it was.

My best advice is to get on every local forum/message board/listserv you can find. I know several people that have found great nannies on Care.com as well.

Good luck! Thanks for adding me to your blogroll, by the way :)

[J.M.D.]

Yea, not really sure what to tell you either. I feel like most parents are happy with their decisions about daycare, but tend to think their choice is the only way to do it, making it seem like a stressful decision to make.

We've signed up with the Bright Horizons that is in my office building and are just hoping to get in. I also don't understand why they can't predict openings!

I have heard that if you are desperate for infant daycare, the Bright Horizons in Beacon Hill has many infant rooms and it is easy to get a spot.

I have also heard prices for nannies and the cost sounds about the same as infant daycare.

[Chris Devers]

Are you talking about the Bright Horizons at MIT Stata center? That one is indeed awesome, and we were on the waiting list for it for a long time, but they basically told us not to expect to get in if we didn't have some kind of hook to MIT, which we don't. (We just live & work nearby.)

We were also on the waiting list at One Kendall Square / Binney Street [trivia: the original Bright Horizons location worldwide], and Rogers St over by the Cambridgeside Galleria, as well as the one at the Schraft's building in Charlestown. We signed up for the waiting list before our son was born, and two years later, didn't get in to any of them.

During that time, I had a work schedule where I could work every weekend and watch my son on a couple of weekdays, and my mother-in-law & brother each watched him one of the other days of the week. It worked, but not having weekends with them was no fun, and if we didn't have family to help, it wouldn't have worked at all.

Finally we got a slot at the Beacon Hill center, and it's a nice enough place that it was worth the wait, but man it took a long time to get in. I'm not sure what their availability is for infants these days, but if you can get in, it is a nice facility, and it's basically straight across the Longfellow Bridge from Cambridge.

[Musings from Me/Jill]

Adrienne

In the early years with babies and toddlers I worked from home, so did not need childcare. I worked during naps or my husband or parents babysat. At some point when my oldest was 18 months old, I knew I needed to find childcare. I wrote a post on my childcare search: http://musingsfromme.com/musings-on-the-preschool-search/

My advice when you are looking for childcare is to:

- look at toys, equipment for signs of wear and tear
- ask lots of questions about discipline, behavior, bad days...answers from childcare providers will give you an idea of what will happen on the day your child decides not to sleep (baby) or follow directions (toddler)
- find out how long each childcare provider has been at the facility
- ask about staff turnover (my daughter was at a daycare center that used high school students from a child development program to assist in some classes, which meant there were constant changes in the staff)
- ask as many questions as you need.

Adrienne...best of luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

For MomCentral purposes...I wanted you to know that my blog has had a huge makeover. New address: www.musingsfromme.com (Blog redesign courtesy of @ohmariana!)

[A Mama's Rant]

You may want to look into getting a live in aupair, too. That's what several of my friends did and since at one point they had two small kids, it was cheaper than traditional daycare.

[Frennie]

I live in Vancouver Canada and childcare here is very expensive and limited. I've joined mom groups to get to know other moms in the community. Thru the groups I've made really good friends which have babies the same age as mine. A lot of us are nanny co-sharing which actually works out cheaper than daycare.

[Jennifer W.]

I hated the thought of putting my daughter in daycare but for us it isn't an option, we both have to work. Luckily I love my job or I don't think I could do it. It took a lot of time and a lot of nail biting but we found a daycare I LOVE. She has just moved up from the baby room to the walkers room and she is thriving. Her teachers are wonderful and love on her and hug her all day long. The best advice I could give a new parent is look hard at the way the teachers interact with the children, and how well the children get along with the teachers. It's such a special relationship, and you want someone who will love your child during the day as much as you expect them to. Fina a place with low turnover rates, it is so much easier if your child has consistent care, and someone they can depend on. It will set your mind at ease too. Good luck!

[Kathryn]

We actually found our nanny on Craigs list. I know it sounds a bit crazy...but she's amazing. She's a kindergarten teacher who wanted to stay home with her own 1 year old. So you never know what you'll find on there!!

[Monica]

There is a new, free sitter service out there called http://www.sitterscout.com that has a ton of great college girls looking for summer nanny or babysitting jobs. It also let's you book them for a night out right from the site. Definitely worth a look!

[Marie]

Visit www.MyChildCareGuide.com. This website is a search and review site for licensed child care providers. The site also provides "Guides" to help parents choose quality providers as well as links to each state government child licensing division where you can read on each providers violation and inspection history. After you choose your provider, don't forget to go back and leave a review. Each review helps other parents make more guided decisions when choosing a provider. Good luck!

[Julie Sullivan]

We turned to Bright Horizons in Franklin four years ago after we had a not-so-favorable situation with a smaller daycare. They are certainly not the cheapest on the block. After writing the first check with sweaty palms, our family acclimated nicely to our new daycare, and we have had an absolutely wonderful experience. So my advice is this - certainly go with your gut and what may seem like a bill that can choke a horse turns out to be just part of your monthly budgeting. I now have three children at Bright Horizons (ok - this bill does indeed choke a horse) but they are thriving and doing wonderful.